I’ve been a lurker in the Fat Acceptance community for 6 months. I started a word document on my computer to write my own “blog entries” since I have stuff to say but am not a writer and am nervous about dealing with the realities of a blog. But here I am!
I found the fat acceptance community during research I did into binge eating disorder (when I was trying to figure out if I had it or not). I’m not sure if I had it or if I still have it, but I’ve decided to not view how I eat negatively, and to let myself eat how I’m going to eat. A good chunk of people in the FA community seem to have been stable at a certain size, at least since they have rejected dieting; I don’t have the luxury of knowing what size my body likes to be at, since it has never been at one size for very long. I have been a range of sizes, from what the bmi charts consider “normal” to what they consider “obese” (at the size I currently am), so to some extent I lack a solid fat identity. But I am fat, and I feel more myself now than I did at my thinnest, so I am attempting to embrace and own my fattery (in whatever size it chooses to manifest itself at any given time) with this blog.
So, I have given up trying to control what I eat. It hasn’t been that long, and it’s scary, but I’m trusting that I will be happier overall, and hopefully confident with whatever effects it has on my body and my life.