Yesterday I needed to starting working on a BIG PROJECT–my thesis project for grad school, in which I am attempting to relate body politics to architecture and eventually create a design. It’s quite overwhelming, because I’m linking things that haven’t been linked before, and finding words for big ideas and their links is not my strong point. Anyway, I planned to start working after my shower, but immediately after my shower I spontaneously decided I wanted to do some restorative yoga (I have a “Yoga for stress relief” dvd, where you can kind of mix-and-match different smaller segments), and I ended up doing yoga for 1 1/2 hours. This is of-note because I don’t think I’ve ever spontaneously decided to to yoga or any other “exercise” before-. When it wasn’t linked to weight loss attempts, it was “you should do it, you’ll feel good afterwards”. I do enjoy yoga, and I do almost always feel great after it, but I guess I’m just not a person who really feels like they NEED to move around that much to be happy with their day. So I was pleased yesterday because it felt like I was starting to disentangle exercise, weight loss, health and cultural imperatives. I was aware of what my body wanted in that moment in order to prepare to work on something so important and anxiety-inducing. When I used to go to yoga twice a week (a few years ago), I wanted it to be intense. But I realized yesterday that right now I want yoga to be soothing and relaxing. I have so much stress and competition in my life right now that I don’t want yoga to be another thing like that. I feel like this is a realization that will help get me back into yoga–not yoga for the sake of doing exercise or accomplishing complicated poses, which could be something I will pursue again at another time–but yoga for what I need it to be right now. Which is what it’s supposed to be about anyway.